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Fic: Maybe

Title:   Maybe

Author: CrabbyLioness

Characters: Jack, Ianto

Summary: The Courtship of Ianto Jones, Part 2, Sequel to Frustration

Warning:  Angst.  Far more than I intended, actually.

Spoilers through To the Last Man

Disclaimer: Uncle Rusty said I could play with his toys as long as I didn't charge money. 

Rating: PG

Word Count:   485

He's driving me crazy.

Although it could be argued I'm already there.

It could also be argued he got there first.

I'm not good at talking about my feelings. There's usually something more important that needs doing.  But ever since London my life has been -- well, hellish really.  I was feeling bad enough that seducing Jack seemed like a good idea.  Therapeutic, even.  I should have realized I'd only end up getting hurt worse.

It was entirely my fault. Our relationship was supposed to be simply physical, a way for two damaged people to make it through the night. It was supposed to be about holding the nightmares at bay. It wasn't supposed to about holding him.  Neither of us were supposed to get hurt.

Still, it hurts.

I doubt he really understands.  He can't know how much it hurt to be left like that. He can't understand how torn apart I feel inside.

He thinks I'm just teasing him.  I'll admit to a bit of that.  Quite a lot of that, actually.  Mostly though, I'm waiting for looking at him, hearing him, to stop being painful.

We'll take it proper, formal, and slow. Old-fashioned, even. He ought to appreciate that.

Da always said they knew a thing or two in the old days. 

And it's working.  It doesn't hurt as much to be around him anymore.  I'm surprised at how quickly that's leaving.  I can even joke around him now.

And doesn't that throw him off balance.

Of course if he were to whisper my name, pull me into his arms, cup my face in his hands and kiss me softly on the lips I would be his all over again.  I would be comforted, ecstatic, overjoyed, enraptured, exhilarated...

...weeping inside because all I meant to him was a convenient piece of arse.

But he's letting me take it slow, letting me make all the moves.  It's almost bizarre having his respect.

I could get used to it, though.

Since we thawed out poor Tommy it seems like everyone's hurting.  We're all walking round with our bundles of pain.

Strange thing is, we're not holding it against each other.  We're giving each other the space and the support that we can.  Gwen told me to "Bloody cheer up, will you?", when I started brooding about Canary Wharf.  I know, she doesn't have a clue, as usual.  But she's trying to help.  Even Owen of all people is trying to help Tosh.  Owen!

It would all be very comforting if it weren't so unnerving.

Still, it's better than being at each other's throats.

So maybe -- maybe I don't have to wait for the hurt to completely stop.  I don't know if I believe that can happen anymore.   Maybe, if Jack will be considerate enough, open enough, caring enough, maybe it will be all right if we hurt together instead of hurting separately.

Maybe.

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Comments

( 53 comments — Leave a comment )
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tresa_cho
Feb. 6th, 2008 03:55 am (UTC)
Well done.
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 04:06 am (UTC)
Thank you.
love_jackianto
Feb. 6th, 2008 03:58 am (UTC)
Oh good one, I really liked the ending. I do like angst every now and then.
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 04:07 am (UTC)
Angst is a strong spice and should be used sparingly, but it was called for here.
(Deleted comment)
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 04:10 am (UTC)
Thank you. It definately wrote itself.
jo02
Feb. 6th, 2008 04:23 am (UTC)
Lovely lovely lovely!
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 04:25 am (UTC)
Thank you. :)
twistedlogic_
Feb. 6th, 2008 06:04 am (UTC)
*applauds*
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 01:32 pm (UTC)
*bows*
nightporters
Feb. 6th, 2008 07:12 am (UTC)
Ah I can see this, I can definitely see this.
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 01:35 pm (UTC)
Thank you. That's what I aim for.
appleseed_06
Feb. 6th, 2008 07:54 am (UTC)
Love it :)
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 01:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
the_ladyj
Feb. 6th, 2008 10:12 am (UTC)
I am totaly amazed about your insights of the show and its characters. This is one major reason why this fic works so wonderfully, even or maybe because it is angst. Thanks for sharing.
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 01:44 pm (UTC)
I usually stint on the angst, Russell and Chris hurt them enough as it is. But I couldn't be true to where I think the character is in his head right now without dealing with it.
off_suit
Feb. 6th, 2008 11:51 am (UTC)
... *cries*
This is written so well you can almost see the look on his face.
Really stunning writing. :)
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 01:46 pm (UTC)
Thank you. That's what I aim for.
1_mad_squirrel
Feb. 6th, 2008 01:06 pm (UTC)
God this is good.
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 01:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
pinkfairy727
Feb. 6th, 2008 01:26 pm (UTC)
This is great!
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 01:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
duskwillow
Feb. 6th, 2008 04:01 pm (UTC)
Oh Ianto. *hugs*

Love this series!
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 04:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
silver_fic
Feb. 6th, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC)
That was great ^_^
crabby_lioness
Feb. 6th, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
jbsnow
Feb. 6th, 2008 05:23 pm (UTC)
:o)
crabby_lioness
Feb. 7th, 2008 02:16 pm (UTC)
:-)
freakykat
Feb. 6th, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
Wow. That was fantastic! Well done, you.
crabby_lioness
Feb. 7th, 2008 02:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
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( 53 comments — Leave a comment )